it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
