so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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