im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
