i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
