remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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