i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
