she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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