We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
