Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
