hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
