this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dicks are not precious.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
