he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
