well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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