I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
