This is not my ceiling
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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