Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
