Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
