Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
