You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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