I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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