You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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