dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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