tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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