I hate your face
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
