Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
