he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
