i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
