thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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