i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
