I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
