I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
