Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
