I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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