if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
