They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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