today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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