I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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