I can text with my tongue
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
