I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
