i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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