he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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