Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
