We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
