I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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