My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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