thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
