He disabled his match.com account in front of me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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