My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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