i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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