I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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