the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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