Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
