All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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