Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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