I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
