i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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