he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
