So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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