My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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