Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
