so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
