Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
