Whod you bang
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
