i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for