You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
