if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
